Eau de Cologne

I'm not trying to be redundant - I swear - YOU MUST NEVER spend a full seven days straight in Amsterdam. I'm not talking Holland, I'm talking Amsterdam. I think we finally hit our "wall" on day number 5, but I can't be 100% sure. All we can know for certain is that I found myself back at the Amsterdam Airport about to rent a car.

At the time we felt these screens looked like some futuristic world where society could only communicate through flashing signs and advertisements. I now look at this picture and think: "Molly, two coffees ain't gonna be enough. You are aware that you are actually going to drive the car, right?"

 

In typical fashion, we were given a Renault "Kangoo" as a rental car - a vehicle that you only receive if you are in National Lampoon's European Vacation, or the rental agent feels like messing with you. Liz and I weren't being followed by a film crew, so apparently we had a target on our foreheads.

Before we hop on the road, let's quickly assess the foolish mistakes that were made in the planning of this excursion:

1) One of us thought that it would be "really cool" to be able to say that we had visited both Holland and Germany.

2) Whoever DID NOT come up with the idea to go to Germany hailed the idea as true genius.

3) We had booked our hotel room for the entire week, making a day trip the only option, and destinations in Germany not overly plentiful (or at least not within the scope of our 15 minutes of planning - duh what big cities can we find on the map). I think historians of future generations may very well ponder what exactly was going through our minds that ruled out the Dutch countryside as a good option for a day-trip.

The one semi-un-foolish mistake of the trip was that we did in fact have a destination: Cologne, Germany. A city selected (again) for no particular reason other than the fact that we could pronounce the name, believed it to be where cologne originated, and appeared conveniently close on the Holland-Germany road map we had purchased the evening before. While the first two facts ended up being true, the latter, ummm, not so much....

While I am SUPER excited to be able to say that I have in fact driven 110 mph on an autobahn in Germany:

(For real - I pushed the Kangoo to its limit)

And Cologne is truly a quaint and enjoyable city with a gorgeous cathedral:

Trying to do a round trip from Amsterdam to Cologne will really stretch you too thin. The trip takes approximately 6 hours round trip without traffic and assuming you don't get lost - doable, but we got lost AND hit "rush" hour both ways. By the time we got to Cologne we really only had time to view the Cathedral, wander around the main square, look at the Rhine River, and then attempt to find some Jagermeister at a department store.

Lesson learned: If it's avoidable, don't spend your whole day on a highway in any country. Never mind the fact that in this case it is called an autobahn - it is still a highway, we have them in the States, and they look identical. I recommend at the very least sticking to side roads/scenic routes, and definitely not trying to over extend yourself. There is generally more than enough to see near your "home base". Ewww, I sound like my mom (love ya).

Remembering Amsterdam

I wish I could.

I jest. A couple of month's back, Molly recounted her experience in Amsterdam. While mine does share some similar elements, I knew that remaining there for any time longer than one weekend could potentially lead to a shortened trip abroad. Or trippin' life. Excuse me, trip - in - life.

Now, my timing on this post might not actually complement the assertions I made in my recent Space Needle post, but again.. I never said that timing was my thing. In fact, my entire life is essentially backwards. Ask my friends - I peaked in middle school. Ok, too far off topic.. I'll save those stories for some therapist.

Sadly, while Amsterdam is rich in culture & history, I cannot clearly recollect visiting any of its museums or landmarks aside from the Anne Frank House. I blame this on the fact that it was 7 years ago.. not because I might have accidentally nibbled on some sort of galaxy related dessert. Hitting the sack by 7p on both evenings of our visit didn't leave very much time to experience Amsterdam's nightlife, but something tells me that that outcome might have been better for my 5'1" frame.

I remember..

• Ice-skating at the Heineken Factory .. no, no I don't think that ever happened.
  
• Admiring Van Gogh's works of art .. or was I just painting with all of the colors of the wind?
  
• Riding a bike through the cobblestone streets .. or was I just stoned? Obviously not. I was sleeping with my eyes open.
  
• Having a cup of coffee at the Bulldog .. or maybe it was some other form of liquid courage?
  

Going to Amsterdam in your 20s is an official rite of passage in my book. Please keep all judgments to yourself.

In Amsterdam a coffeeshop isn't a coffeeshop

In theory it was a great idea...okay, okay, in theory it was a good idea - Amsterdam for one week straight. Okay, even then maybe it's only a good idea if:

1. you have a working knowledge of a concept called "restraint"

2. you aren't a college student who has ever, ever, ever smoked weed

3. enjoy beautiful architecture

4. enjoy going to museums and looking at priceless works of art

5. love to visit historical landmarks

6. aren't a complete moron traveling with another complete moron, therefore giving you the intelligence of a helper monkey (i.e. Mojo from the Simpsons).

As a senior in college, on spring break, 1, 2 & 6 were automatically crossed off my list, which (sadly) all but renders any of the redeeming benefits of 3, 4 & 5 useless. NONETHELESS - going to Amsterdam and enjoying the coffeeshops (it's like a bar, but with weed on the menu) can be more than just a tripped out visit to the Van Gogh Museum:

A drunken stumble through the Heineken factory:

And an uncomfortable speed walk through the Sex Museum:

(**Uh - yeah, that would be the world's smallest prostitute)

First things first: Lodging. This will greatly effect the overall direction of your visit. Hostels are plentiful and are reasonably priced (the hostel system in Europe is way better than the U.S. - www.hostelworld.com is a great resource). But be prepared you could end up sleeping away

your day in a dark, dank military style bunk bed with 20 - 30 other travelers. Just make sure you take note of the room size! Another word of caution: not that young women will be sold into prostitution, but in general, try to avoid youth hostels in the red light district. You'll feel safer and happier in the long run - trust me. Going one step up to a boutique hotel is definitely the way to go. The place we picked had cool themed rooms, was clean, had a good mix of young people at the bar, and was only $15 more per night than a hostel (www.winston.nl or check out some other themed hotels in Amsterdam).

I've found really good success picking up a guidebook and using that as a starting point. These days most listings will have websites - google the junk out of the name of the hotel - it is a great way to find reviews & maps.

Second things second: don't follow the green, delicious smelling brick road the whole time you are there. My two favorite museums, aren't the best known to American tourists. The Rijksmuseum Amsterdam is located in a breathtaking gothic/renaissance building, and houses paintings from native sons Rembrandt and Vermeer. A subtle space cake will totally make it better...ahhh...kidding. The second place is definitely known, but worth the stop: The Anne Frank House - the lines can be long, but it should not be missed.

Third things third: Rent a bike. Because you should rent a freaking bike. Bikes are more prevalent than cars in Amsterdam, and they all look like they were built circa 1950. Cutting out the tooting of cars will make you brain HAPPY!

My final words of advice: feel free to ignore these tips, but then you may end up in a picture wearing denim on denim, picking the bum of a poster.